“Promise Yourself”

To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.
― Christian D. Larson

I found this too inspiring and empowering not to share. 🙂

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Some Confessions and The List?

It’s been five days now since I hit the third decade of my existence. Akalain mo yun? Although, bago pa yung actual birthday ko, I already got my birthday wish granted, an answered prayer, so nung actual day, parang new year lang pero tapos na yung fireworks, masaya, kaso humupa na yung hype. Gets?

Gusto ko sana agad mag blog nung araw na yun mismo, pero ang olats ng profoundness ko (as if meron?) Masaya sana yun, kasi kahit may pasok ako that day, wala naman akong trabaho. Ginising ako ng hausmates ko with a birthday cake at card na sinulat ng favorite kong pretty bulinggit! Na-overwhelmed din ako sa greetings from Facebook, Twitter, SMS, Whatsapp, YM at BBM, May nauto napapayag pa nga ako kumanta via voicenote nung birthday ko. HAHA! na-touched ako promise!. 🙂

Modesty aside, ang sarap lang ng feeling na ma-associate sa akin ang word na pretty, beautiful and the likes. Hindi ko alam kung dahil birthday ko lang ba kaya nila ako tinatawag na maganda? Eh sa totoo lang parang di naman masyado. Basta alam ko lang di ako pangit, ok na yun. May history kasi ako ng ugly duckling days, not that I am a graceful swan now,pero back then, i’m not the type na maka-cast for muse, mukha kasi akong confused younger version ni Cory Aquino, imagine, close to siete ang hairdo na wavy with thick eye glasses. I started wearing specs at the age of 6, alam ko noon, may astigmatism ako, tapos ang grado ng salamin ko ay 200/250, hanggang high school ako nakasuot magnifying glass. Sayang,(buti na lang) wala na akong mahalungkat na pictures ko noon, tawa talaga ako ng madami sa “juday” moments ko. Looking back now, I celebrate those milestones and little achievements in life. Sabi ko nga sa FB stat ko today: “In whatever circumstance, always look for goodness and beauty… soon enough; you’ll be one with what you’ve found…”  Well, I chose to see the beauty in life and i feel like I’ve become one with the beauty I found. (kayanin nyo yan?)

The other day, magkausap kami sa phone ni Mama, like the usual, I was telling her how proud I am on how they have raised me well, If in any way some people may consider me a good person, I gave more credit to my parents for that. Pinag chi-chismisan namin ang mga chikitings of today. Grabe naman kasi yung mga kapitbahay namin na bubot pa noon at nakiki-“Ate” sa akin, ngayon mga mommies na! Gosh! I feel so lola! Sabi ko nga kay Ma, mag aasawa na ako if not “chuk” na lang the next day? Bruha daw ako, tapos tawa lang kami ng tawa. It’s really nice that I can tell everything to both my parents, I cant even think of a topic na taboo sa amin. Of course it all comes with age and respect. Kung meron man ako maa-advice, bilang anak, to all the parents and parents wannabes, the best gift you can give to your child more than a good education, is a happy and loving home. Yung tipong masasabi mo with great conviction, that really, there is no place like home, sana one day I can provide the same ‘home” to my future kids. Yes, feeling ko talaga, babae ako at di lang props ang matris ko. haha! Watch out you guys!

And because I brought up about my hope/dream of having kids, I’ll try to come up with my pre-requisites sa aking soon to be/future donor/partner in life hahaha! ( May nakapang intriga kasi sa akin na dapat may “list”) So here goes:

– Contrary to what most women wants, I do not require a filthy rich boylet, (naiintimidate nga ako pag masyadong bongga yung guy) eh yung mga stability ek ek na yan, parang di naman yun absolute, so basta may career, able and willing to provide, pasok ka na sa banga! Naniniwala kasi ako, that life is a work in progress, ang importante joined forces kayo,come what may.

– I want someone who can pass a good ideology to my kids. Someone, na kahit ako mismo, will look up to him. Someone who will continuously inspire you and will make you look forward to another day with him.

– God fearing, di naman kailangan super religious, basta dapat marunong magdasal at nagdadasal. Yung sya mismo would want to come to church on his own, kasi it’s an essential part of life.  (Is that too dreamy?)

– Someone I can talk to and knows how and when to listen.

– He should have a great respect and love to his parents and will extend the same to my folks. I can assure the guy that my parents are not from the “monsters in law” breed. Plus, dapat mahal nya din ang kapatid ko (nag-iisa lang yun at extra special) .

I can go on with more like, sana kasing Hot ni Chris Evans, sexy na parang si  Adam Levine, kasing charming ni Joseph Gordon Levitt or Matthew Goode, mala-Jason Mraz ang boses, ka-tipo ni Ryan Reynolds at kasing intense ni Ryan Gosling… at marami pa, kaso I’m not even close to Scarlett Johansen’s feet, so wag ng umasa masyado. Namiss ko ang ganitong monologues. hahaha! Inaantok na ako… Consider this reading a part of my dream…

The Gift of Faith

I’ve been trying to write a year-ender for my 2011, but I was caught up in a major struggle concerning my family. I was mostly restless and unsteady the whole time… only after yesterday that we were all relieved by God’s amazing grace.

Allow me to share my personal story of miracle. That’s how I see it and felt it anyway…

  • Last 26th of December, I had an argument with my mom over the phone, because she’s been telling me that she wasn’t feeling well for the past months. I’ve been urging her to have it checked even before Christmas, so when I called her that day, I wasn’t very happy to know she haven’t gone to the doctor yet, I got a bit furious, she promised me though me that she’ll go the next day, then I hang up.
  • 27th December, around 4pm just before I took an hour break from work, I called her to check on how the consultation went. My mom broke into tears… the signs aren’t good that she MUST undergo colonoscopy soon due to her recurring diarrhea (the reason why she’s being subjected for colonoscopy scared me – it might be as serious as having cancer). My heart fainted, but I needed to sound brave. Series of laboratory exams are scheduled after the New Year. How can I look forward to a new year discounting my fear?  I cried alone in my room. I cried again, while narrating to some friends about this unknown ordeal that our family may have to face. The first thing I did that same night was to pray intently and started sending out messages/email to friends asking for prayers, for I knew I couldn’t do it all by myself.  I dread waiting for January, at the same time fighting my fears. I needed to get myself prepared.

My contract at work has ended since first week of December and I haven’t signed my contract renewal because my team leader have not yet submitted my performance report and she was on leave for two freaking weeks. – an added agony.

  • 5th of January, My mom had her initial laboratory exams, and then went back to the doctor on the 6th for the results. It was found that hemoglobin in her blood was too low to proceed with colonoscopy. She was prescribed with an iron supplement to improve her blood count and some pain reliever for the stomach ache. Diarrhea didn’t stop since the first check-up. I’m beginning to be more wary that she might get too dehydrated and asked her to keep drinking Gatorade to help replenish the loss of fluids.
  • On the 11th after several chase with our HR, I finally got to sign my new contract. I needed the job security more this time, to equip myself and to be able to meet our known and still unidentified but anticipated financial obligations. My mom then was still having a continuous diarrhea and a minimum of 5 trips to the toilet every day.
  • 14th of January past dinner time, I called her and I was told that there’s blood in her stool. I panicked and urged her to have herself admitted that same night, but they can’t afford to just leave my sister alone at home ( my sister has a case of usual seizure attacks specially at night even though she’s taking her medications everyday ), we have to wait the next morning. I still went out that night after work trying to divert my worries for a while and refused to sulk myself in my room in paranoia.
  • 15th January. My mom was admitted in a small hospital in Bulacan. Her attending physician immediately ordered for a blood transfusion. The first bag of blood was only transfused on the 16th in the evening and in the morning of 17th after it was all consumed, her CBC – (hemoglobin) even went lower than her prior CBC, her blood pressure went low to 90/70. The doctors got alarmed, they insisted that my mom be transferred to a hospital in Manila, which we did. Another bag of blood was transfused that night after she was transferred; she was scheduled for CT scan the following day.
  • 18th January the CT scan equipment had technical issues, which is why they had to delay the schedule for my mom, later in the afternoon, her gastroenterologist advised that they will proceed with the colonoscopy the next day and will skip the CT scan (that means her CBC has improved).
  • 19th January My mom’s colonoscopy was scheduled at 9AM, she was sedated. The procedure took about 30 minutes. Around 9:40AM, I got a missed call from my mom’s number, an indication for me to callback. My dad was on the other line, in a choppy connection says good news! The doctors found none, but few bruises in her intestines and a case of amebiasis. Thank God!

I was shedding tears. I was too overwhelmed and moved by how great God works in our refuge. How He turned such a depressing state into a glorious moment in our lives. I just have to say, that during the entire trial, I’ve been soliciting prayers to almost everyone, while strengthening myself and my family with our own prayers. I don’t want to sound preachy or too good to be true, but how else could we survive, if it’s not about God and only Him. Of course, I have to extend my big big thanks and acknowledge our friends, relatives and the doctors for all the help, comfort and encouragement. They were all God’s instrument of greatness.

At one point when I can’t seem to bear the difficulties, I was telling myself, Should I depart? I got nothing else but faith to hold on to… I just have to hold tighter and keep believing… and yes, God never fails. Happy New Year and a Happier Birthday to me! God Bless US all!