Que Horror

I am horrified. Trying to breath in—out…. normally as I can.

I can’t tell you now… but deep inside I am freaking out!

I am so irresponsible.  Independent? yeah right!

Let’s see where this will lead me.

Oh God, I am sorry… I know it’s my fault… please help me.

Another Mindless Thoughts

I wonder why love is causing people to be hypocrites.

I noticed, for most people I know, after breaking up with their significant flames, ends up wearing this hypocrisy suit. Is it a phase? Or a process that one had to go through to expedite the healing process? Perhaps, it is part of the chapter that covers “the art of letting go” (making it sound like a course) or was it just a clear case of bitterness?

I don’t know… I can’t speak about something I am inexperienced of, besides, how would I know? Why would my irrelevant opinion matters to another? I’d probably sound less convincing, when I am currently dealing with my own struggle understanding what is that elusive four-letter word truly means. Isn’t “amore” supposed to be felt and expressed rather than define? And how can someone know what the other person truly feels? When all you can do is sympathize.

Maybe I have locked up myself in this surreal world of my own ideals (fantasy). Is that too superficial or delusional?

Would you rather be smart and put up a tough front, but haunted by your own self-denial?

I don’t mind appearing pathetic for as long as I know I’m real. I owe it to myself, to feel what I feel and not be hypocrite about it.

Last Minute Luck

Believe me, I’m very good at work when I’m cramming. A lenient period does not favor me, because I tend to be complacent. It is only when the deadline is near, that my natural magic results to an impressive output. It seems like the crunched hour extracts my almost drought creative juices.

Anyway, about a week ago, we had our company’s annual dinner and “dance” ( not sure about the dance part though ). It excites me to attend such events, because it is the only time to doll myself and wear something I don’t fit every day.

A week prior to the event, I was already having a dilemma on what to wear. I do not wish to spend so much for a one-night affair, but I don’t want to discount myself from feeling glam too. (Why does looking good had to costs a dime? ) I had a brown tube dress which was bought cheap few months back and which I haven’t worn yet. (How does a 150Php dress sound?) I don’t have enough confidence to show off my humongous arms so I even asked a “fashionista” friend for some recommendations.

The night before the event I had a trouble getting a decent sleep. The next morning, with only 3 hours of enforced eyes-shut, I still don’t have shoes to wear, no accessories to use or any piece of cloth for the conceal.

I went to the mall… walking like a helpless poor puppy, with a little money to spend. My fairy god mother must have done some wonders when I landed my feet inside the Cotton On shop and found this loose bolero jacket with interesting gold sequence details – selling at $10SGD (300Php) yippeee! I was really eyeing for something “gold” to match the brown dress with.

I went home, took a bath and prepare the stuff I had to bring to the office, for some hair and make-up action (stint) with my two other colleagues.

After alighting off from the train, I had a quick escape to another mall (trying my luck one last time), just opposite the bus station where I will be taking another ride to reach the office. And my… found a golden shoe! It was a steal at $15 SGD (450 Php) BINGO!!!

Finally my outfit is complete!

Just got lucky!

TGIF

It was on the 14th of May… my heart was beginning to feel heavier as the hour passes – it was my last day of stay in the Philippines as I am leaving for Singapore the next morning.

Twenty-three days was the longest break I had from work, and yet it still feels inadequate…too little time to catch up for the months I’ve been away… and yes, I am still missing “him”.
 My hopes were slowly drifting…

I refuse to get into the details on what, who, how or why…
I just wanted to express how very much privileged I am to be able to meet and spend even a few hours with these two wonderful and beautiful women.

Thank you…
For making me feel at ease and welcoming me with your warm company,
For the smiles and laughter you graciously shared with me,
For the pleasant exchange of spontaneity,
And most of all, I am indeed, very grateful for taking the time to spend with me.
Thank you… for making part of my wishes come true….
It was very nice meeting you both.

One of the sweetest treat I ever received. Thank God It’s Friday! Until next time… Cheers!