Butterfly Kisses and Goodnight Prayers

“I can write the saddest lines…” —  but I refused to.
I have quoted that phrase from a friend in one of her latest status update.
 
Does the rainy season have something to do about the gloomy mood?
 
How many times have I made myself known about my convictions? Has it changed? I’ve got nothing to retract for sure… but some requires transition.
 
Whatโ€™s inside my heart? Itโ€™s sad… but I canโ€™t embrace unhappiness for too long…  I want my heart to be a place of wonderful memories… simple dreams… images of happy encounters of you and me….
 
I may be shedding tears… and will be crying still… but whatever it is that I have nurtured with love… I’m keeping it… untainted… unchanged… a beautiful piece…
Butterfly kisses… and Goodnight prayers just enough to seal the day…

Following Some League

So much noise are bouncing everywhere about the recent NBA Finals. Well, I seriously forgot about basketball after “Jawo” (Robert Jaworski Sr.) retired. 
The memories of how my cousins and I are gaga over Baranggay Ginebra are vivid images of my enthusiastic and energetic youth. We even know the song “Pag Nanalo ang Ginebra” by heart and even its losing counterpart, which of course we refuse to sing anyway.
There’s something about “jawo” that makes Philippine basketball an interesting sports to watch, considering that I don’t have any sporty bone in my anatomy. Must it be the “angst” and that strong intimidating appeal sends a charismatic appeal? Probably that worked the same, on why he was once part of the senate, more than being a marketing graduate. Ha-ha!
PBA then, was more “pinoy” to me, I mean, Pido Jarencio, Val David and Noli Locsin appeared more Filipino looking than some crossed breed shooters. Unlike now, those emerging standout players are mostly Fil-Ams. Although I will exempt Vince Hizon for he’s a real basketball court eye-candy that never misses to make me scream ecstatically with his long throws and sure basket shots! Whew!

Actually, this basketball fascination phase I had, started all because of my POPS. He was proud (actually more like brag) that he used to play side-by-side with Rudy Distrito in his former stint on a national league, which eventually sends him to the baranggay level.(LOL)

Here in Singapore, most people are football enthusiast than a basketball fan, so there’s not much argument about which court I stand. How I’d love to get few kicks and hit those annoying customer I talk to every day, since I can’t get them into the basket. (Literally)

To the first ever basketball player I’ve been cheering on. Happy Father’s Day Pops! You are the legendary man in my life!

I Have A Dream

A fantasy…
To help me through reality
And my destination makes it worth the while…

 “There I go being critical again. Does a man have to stand on one foot and juggle for me to consider him entertaining? What am I looking for? A knight?…No, knights are all polished and shiny. I think my taste runs to something with a bit of tarnish and maybe a few scratches. Someone who can make me laugh and cry and make me angry and make my knees tremble when he touches me.”  -Nora Roberts (The Heart’s Victory)

I came across this quote and instantly… that “one” person dominated my head again…
I must be terminally sick… for never getting tired of hoping that one day… just maybe… my dream will become a reality.
The Sun never stops from shining after all the storm…. even when darkness sets in… there’ll be Moon and Stars to glow….
 
I wish there was a better way to say that “I miss you so…”
And just so you know… I am still with you…

What A Relief!

Just a quick post to clear about the 2 recent entries I posted.

It was something to do with my “responsibility” as a foreign worker here. I tend to be too panicky and I may have sounded a bit exaggerated, but it really did freak me down to my guts.
I have made arrangements already and I am expecting everything will run smoothly in the coming days. Thank God!
It got me too exhausted, both mentally and emotionally. So I took an off today from work and made sure to feel better in preparation for the toxic days ahead, which is quite the nature of my job.
Thanks to those who have extended concern and boosted my moral! God Bless!

As If It Was More Than 24 Hours

I had so much for the day…

The moment I came in the office and open that “envelope” — it was unbelievably horrifying! I was scared to death. I thought I will be sent back home or worst be the next “Flor Contemplacion”. I will have to attend to it immediately, or else I will be doomed.

The past three days, I’ve been really feeling extraordinarily weird… I feel there’s something wrong… getting frantic, emotionally unstable and  helpless… but then, you’re out of touch… locked up.

I’ve been acting tremendously ill. My erratic mood swing is getting on me. Iโ€™m stressed from work with tons of desegregated thoughts and worries lurking in my head.

I need to vent out… I wanna shout…. aaahhh…. to unload… it’s getting heavier than the usual…

The coming weeks I shall know my verdict. I’m trying to act cool.. just to shoo these blues and worries away. I really want to go home. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

Que Horror

I am horrified. Trying to breath in—out…. normally as I can.

I can’t tell you now… but deep inside I am freaking out!

I am so irresponsible.  Independent? yeah right!

Let’s see where this will lead me.

Oh God, I am sorry… I know it’s my fault… please help me.

Another Mindless Thoughts

I wonder why love is causing people to be hypocrites.

I noticed, for most people I know, after breaking up with their significant flames, ends up wearing this hypocrisy suit. Is it a phase? Or a process that one had to go through to expedite the healing process? Perhaps, it is part of the chapter that covers โ€œthe art of letting goโ€ (making it sound like a course) or was it just a clear case of bitterness?

I donโ€™t knowโ€ฆ I canโ€™t speak about something I am inexperienced of, besides, how would I know? Why would my irrelevant opinion matters to another? Iโ€™d probably sound less convincing, when I am currently dealing with my own struggle understanding what is that elusive four-letter word truly means. Isn’t โ€œamoreโ€ supposed to be felt and expressed rather than define? And how can someone know what the other person truly feels? When all you can do is sympathize.

Maybe I have locked up myself in this surreal world of my own ideals (fantasy). Is that too superficial or delusional?

Would you rather be smart and put up a tough front, but haunted by your own self-denial?

I don’t mind appearing pathetic for as long as I know I’m real. I owe it to myself, to feel what I feel and not be hypocrite about it.