Withering Hopes

What else is left if the hope is gone?

I got quite a handful of it…
Things you wish you had and can do, but you can’t, because of limitations…
I don’t know… Maybe it’s just me…
I know that I hold nothing in control of, other than myself.
The situation I am in is already given. It’s part of who I am or who I have become.
I keep reminding myself, that all these will come in passing… that life goes on… I got no choice but to get by… that maybe I just needed some time… ( who knows for how long? )
When people see you as a strong person, it’s more difficult to overcome your fragility.
Am I really strong? Or I just choose to put up a tough act? Just enough to keep my folks from worrying.
If there’s one thing I am certain about myself, I know I am sensitive…
Perhaps I am using this to strengthen and weaken myself at the same time…
Which is totally contradicting, it feels like being pulled against the two opposing poles.
I am like torn on both winning and/or losing end. (hay labo)
My melancholic tendencies… *sighs*
Easier said than done…but I believe that this too shall pass…
Holding tighter to my faith…
I know someone UP there is in charge. So help me God…

Talk About The Face

Our face is our identity. You must agree with me, that IDs are not complete without our face pasted and laminated on it.

If you will look at the magazines and TV ads, most of what they are selling now is “the face”. The imaging and marketing trick.

I am one of those, who are not gifted with a flawless, supple looking face. I have had a long season of pimples and zits. (Are both the same?). My face is a rich source of oil – more like suet. And I’m always like shining in grease, whether it’s hot or cold.

I tried several products, some worked, while some… were wasted.
Few months ago, I had the chance to attend a session with a Mary Kay consultant for free. I knew already in my head that it will be some sort of product selling, but I still gave it a shot anyway, just to keep me out for the day. I had no regrets! Yes, it was a product presentation/marketing scheme, (sort of) but I liked the fact that it was a one-on-one session and very much personalized. The consultant presented the products which she recommended and which suited my skin. She did not only let me try, but also taught me how to use(do) it, like the “strokes” and amount to be used. It was refreshing and pretty helpful too.

There was no commitment of buying the product, but I decided to order a few and keep what I already have in use. Wearing a make-up is not part of my everyday get up, but it’s enough that I get to appear myself with a presentable face.
Here’s what I am currently using :

The TIP:  Cleanse, Exfoliate, Tone, Moisturize and Protect. Most importantly, we should to keep our body hydrated as part of natural and healthy daily regiment. I am trying to drink water as much and as often as I can.
If I may also confess, I’ve never been to any facial care centre because I am intimidated by the fact that I have to make a regular visit as maintenance, which sounded costly to me. (I’m so cheap) Anyway, the products I shared, did the wonders for me. ( Looks like it )

Something "Fresh"

I have been posting “heavy” sentiments here like a theme, and I thought, why not break the trending a bit.

Aside, from this overflowing of emotions I put on writing (which I don’t think you’ll be missing for long). I feel like sharing some of the “okray” stories of my every day. You know daily crazy stuff. (This blog is intended to be my online diary anyway).

First of all, I am no beauty expert, but I do have an eye and exquisite taste for beauty. (Take note, not exotic)

Who’s not a sucker for beautiful things anyway? But I do recognize that our vision and definition varies, like the saying goes: “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”

I will be coming up with my “beautiful” post soon. Hope you’ll enjoy the view! Cheers! 🙂

Behind A Smile

Cause I don’t know what I should do now
When I’ve exhausted all I know how
Still all of my efforts, they fail me
Leaving me broken and empty
I can’t go on, half living this life on my own

Cause I’m hiding behind this smile
No, I haven’t come out for awhile
See there is this place so empty inside me
I keep hiding behind this smile

There must be some place warmer then here
Because my teeth just chatter and I live in fear
But every attempt I attempt just impairs me
Leaving me broken and empty
And I can’t go on, half living this life on my own

Cause I’m hiding behind this smile
No, I haven’t come out for awhile
See there is this place so empty inside me
I keep hiding behind this smile
Cause no I’m not okay
No I’m not alright

Cause I’m hiding behind this smile
No, I haven’t come out for awhile
See there is this place so empty inside me
I keep hiding behind this smile…

“Smile, even if it’s a sad smile, because sadder than a sad smile is the sadness of not knowing how to smile.”

Some Fitful Pinch

Staying away… keeping distant…


Is my isolation not enough?

Unattached, or was never a part?
Do I belong?

Not really good with asking, must learn the art of questioning.
Is there an answer to all these wondering?

I refuse to ask, “Why”?
Then, no reply…

Am I heading to the EXIT?
Where to go?
When the only home I know… is YOU.

Baffling Gesture

I was just guessin’ at numbers and figures,
Pulling the puzzles apart.
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart.
And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start.
Runnin’ in circles, Chasin’ tails
Comin’ back as we are
Nobody said it was easy,
Oh it’s such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.
I’m goin’ back to the start….
 – The Scientist/Coldplay

Is this Hello? Or Goodbye?

I am still uncertain… the photo is vivid and crisp in color and yet I still don’t get it clearly…
Or my visions are gone hazy by the tears only concealed with  a smile?

Floated in the clouds again… no rain or sunshine is evident…
Somebody help me figure it out… Nimbus serves no refuge.