Self Trade: Anyone?

What if, I was not the same “ME”? Who shall I be?

Sometimes, I can’t help but wonder what it’s like to be someone else… Maybe, my life will be a different story, but I am not… I guess, this must be basics of learning the art of endurance…
Why can’t I be free from all of this weirdness in a snap?
I should be glad that I’m tied up with more work this week. It keeps me away from my immeasurable tireless thoughts! (At least even for few hours) Rationalizing results from irrational inputs. To eke out a  sense of value, from an intermittent disguise. 
When it is enough? Or when to know you’ve had too much or too little?
I know I should be paying my penance for this week… or is a kind of penance already?
I would rather appreciate skepticism, than be given the confidence and use it to my detriment.
Fragility is part of being human…. 
I pretend to be numb sometimes, still, I am only human. 

Livin’ La Vida Loca!

Inspired by Ricky Martin’s “coming out”,
Allow me to quote the last lines he said that I personally liked and made a mark to me:

What will happen from now on? It doesn’t matter. I can only focus on what’s happening to me in this moment. The word “happiness” takes on a new meaning for me as of today. It has been a very intense process. Every word that I write in this letter is born out of love, acceptance, detachment and real contentment. Writing this is a solid step towards my inner peace and vital part of my evolution.

I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am. —RM

I can just imagine how grueling it is to fight with your very own self and be confined to what society dictates. The strength and courage he exemplifies is simply admirable. Due to the considerations, that people look up on you and with the intention of not leaving them unhappy, resulted to compromising his own happiness.
According to Wikipedia, GAY is being carefree, happy, showy and bright. – Words that are beaming with positivity.  So what’s wrong about being GAY? If you can be fabulous, family-focused, creative, an  achiever, sensitive and loving human being… what’s not to like? Because I am telling you, whatever contradicting adjective you’ll came up with, in disagreement, does not only apply to homosexuals. A devious act is not gender exclusive.

I admit, I am Gay. Super!

Don’t Bother, It Don’t Matter

Being in the crowd and being one with the crowd. — An almost identical phrase with an entirely different meaning.

To be associated with something or someone makes it more obvious that you took some part, but not a general implication that you’re “one of them”. There are times when you need to commingle, in accordance to the majority, but that doesn’t mean you have to morph yourself into a strange persona… just like a chameleon, one must adapt in the environment he/she’s in. Change is inevitable, but it can either be permanent or transitory. Seasons, things and people are in continuous transition, but you still define YOU!

Like what I often say… who we are or who we’re not, what we have or what we don’t, can be both immaterial or substantial, depending which land we step on or to whom do we belong? The things we hold on to or opted to let go of, may be seen totally different by an anonymous crowd and by those who are staring afar from the opposite ground.

Just be yourself… It’s ok to be carefree! Crazy is the real sanity! 🙂

Marching MARCH

March is nearing its end. Yaay! Congratulations to ALL the new graduates! Endings are new beginnings! Exciting!
What’s up with me? What else would consume my days other than work? That’s actually  the majority of it. Long conversations over the phone, with no less than my Mom(chikadora-mate), just to update each other on how our days like. My usual top-up of 60SGD a month, shoots up to double, almost  nearing triple? I’m imposing a major self-control NOW! Another “ouch” in my pocket hole.
Trying to do preps for my vacation. I’m looking forward to a longer vacay this April (the longest so far i think?). Errands to do. Grabe! I didn’t know that filling in a “balikbayan box” can create such a heavy pressure on me, not to add the huge consideration of keeping up with my budget. What is budgeting? Huh?! Spell L.I.M.I.T.A.T.I.O.N.S!
I have been into number of warehouse sales. It’s the SALE(hoarding) season here, my goodness! but then, my wallet doesn’t go in-sync with it. Yada yada yada… another “dream on-better luck next time” mindset to console and deceive my impulsive buying tendencies. (why can’t my ATM card goes with that impulse?)

I have been tweeting on several movies I am looking forward to see on the big screen, but so far, I haven’t been to the movie house this 2010. Thank God for the online streaming, although I dread  time for buffering  — got to blame “the flash” internet connection I am using. 
I finished listening to “Dear John”(I’ll try to come up with a separate entry/review about it) — Yup! I listened, not read! Audio books are my new love! Thanks to my good friend Gena, who’s tolerating and actually supporting my audio book resorts. I just got the new audio files and will get my ears tuned in to Eat, Pray and LOVE very soon. That will be so perfect for the lent. Time to reflect…  

And by the way, my short hair picture was a bluff! But I’m considering to get it done  after receiving all those sweet compliments, Or not really? I’m still torn, because it took me years to have long locks… Let’s see where my moods lead me in the coming days. 
So there… NO “MMK” (maala-ala mo kaya) narration for the now, til next time! I’m marching out! 🙂

Out From Chaos

Is a crutch, the only sign of being crippled?
Or bleeding as for the wounded?
Sometimes, it doesn’t have to be too obvious…
A certain quote says : “Sometimes, I just smile.. because it’s easier to do than explaining why I’m sad..” ( sighs…)
They say, LIFE is how we see it, that our concept is mostly dictated by our very own perceptions. Well, I would like to say YES, as an agreement, but how I wish it was just all about mind conditioning… then probably, no one will ever get hurt and or disappointed…
After all, our body is not solely compose of the nervous system where the brain is an essential organ, we need to have 5 others too, (circulatory, muscular, skeletal, digestive and respiratory) to complete the human anatomy, (so much of that, trying to be scientific huh? ) Those are only but physical and how about other intangible aspects? Aren’t we also chained by our feeble emotions or molded by our faith?
Who is spared from everyday injustices? or who was never unfair him/herself, for at least once or twice? LIFE can be both FAIR and UNFAIR. Oftentimes, when difficulty arises, we tend to concentrate on the shabbiness of the current state rather than the opportunity of unfolding greater chances and possibilities… ( That hits me – I am convicted guilty! )
One of the realizations I learned… that life’s condition are usually circumstantial, how we respond to it, is more substantial, out of our genetic (mal/dys)function or rather by defined characteristic. Think of chain reaction and what difference it can make.
When the tides are high and in spatial flow. Human instinct suggests two: either drown ourselves to death or struggle to swim and resurface, while tightening the grip on faith and with hope.
We all have our days… when all the “un”, “dis” and “nega” feelings are domineering, and we just wanted to quit…(it’s the easiest way out, I know..)
Look around… you’ll be surprised… you’re not alone… Indeed, life is tough… but you are tougher than what you think… Look UP, for someone UP there, is carrying the load for YOU… for all of US… perhaps an acknowledgment is what we are all missing… Let’s remain grateful all the time.
( I need to keep myself reminded by this too!)
Countless and Endless THANKS!!!
God Bless!

I Hate To Say: I MISS YOU


-is often overused and yet underrated.

-is not enough to contain the weight of emotions of what someone is meaning to say…

-can be too generic, because the same phrase is used, even to non-living things.

-it has an immeasurable depth and intensity which can be misleading at times.

-the frequency makes it less meaningful – no matter how genuinely uttered every tick of the clock.

-even how often it is expressed, the longing never stops.

Most of ALL,

I hate to say I MISS YOU, even when or how much I DO,
because it makes the TIME and DISTANCE even more unbearable…
like a dreadful annoying disease… it sucks!

I want a CURE…

Healing suggests TOGETHERNESS…

Can I have it with YOU?